


That Should Be Me

by maemusicmelody



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, F/F, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Some sisterly fluff i guess but also ANGST, Suggestive Themes, this is angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 23:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11678970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maemusicmelody/pseuds/maemusicmelody
Summary: Kanan and Ruby broke up because Kanan thought she wasn't in love with Ruby anymore. When Ruby gets a new girlfriend, Kanan realizes she made a huge mistake.





	That Should Be Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bxanie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bxanie/gifts).



> Based off the pain Celine put me through. (Her fanfiction)
> 
> Also based off That Should Be Me by Justin Bieber bc I love the song its pure pain.

"You're still in love with her." Mari sighed, her head resting on top of her laced fingers, as she watched her best friend stare bitterly out the window.

Dia watched as well, leaning against the wall opposite side of the wall. The older sister was angry at what had happened. It took a while but she started talking to Kanan again after a few months had passed. After what had happened to the three of them years ago, she decided she didn't want a fight that bad a second time. One more chance couldn't hurt. Besides, Ruby seemed happy enough with her new girlfriend that it was kind of pleasant to watch Kanan regret what she did. Dia's pettiness beat her resentment this time.

"I told her I wasn't... That's why we broke up." Kanan mumbled eyes still staring at the redhead and the new face she didn't care about. Her heart burned to watch as the two of them held hands in the middle of the courtyard, laughing about some joke that she couldn't hear all the way on the third floor of the building.

"She really loved you, ya know." Dia had a smirk on her lips, feeding off of Kanan's pain. It was terrible of her to think that and she knew it, but after having to watch Ruby scream and sob after getting her heart broken, Dia honestly didn't care. "You broke her. Don't you think she deserves to be happy?"

Mari quickly got up from her seat, standing between Kanan and Dia before Kanan could get physical, not that Kanan would actually hurt Dia, but it didn't mean she wasn't ready to fight. Kanan balled up her hands in fists and stared at them as if she was about to cry. "You don't think I knew that? You think I pretended everything was okay just for k-kicks and giggles? When the whole time I was in love with you?"

"Like I'd date someone that hurt my sister like that." Dia rose an eyebrow, unphased by the way Kanan was acting. She merely crossed her arms over her chest and huffed. "Besides, if you're in love with me, then what's wrong if Ruby found someone else, hm?"

Kanan glared at Dia with burning eyes. She hated it when that girl was right, the way she was so smug about it made her want to gag. It was usually entertaining when it was someone else, but being in the place where she was in the wrong was no fun at all.

The bluenette didn't say anything but instead walked out with a slam of the door. Mari walked over to Dia and slung her arms over her shoulders. "Don't you think you went a little overboard there?"

"No. I was right, so why shouldn't I speak the truth." Dia relaxed in Mari's arms.

Mari sighed and continued to hug the raven, knowing there was no point in arguing.

* * *

Kanan thought walking outside along the familiar grounds of her alma mater would help her relax, but low and behold, Yoshiko's luck must have rubbed off on her. She managed to move away before Ruby saw her, but she was able to witness enough to make her blood boil.

The nameless girl was holding Ruby's hand when she twirled the girl around into a hug then peppering Ruby with kisses.

The image burned into her head. It felt wrong.

_'That should be me, holding her hand... That should be me, making her laugh...'_

Kanan thought bitterly as she walked away from the campus. She desperately wanted Ruby back. She missed her. Everything was so different without her. She missed waking up in the morning to the smell of strawberry scented shampoo in her face. She missed the cute text messages with way too many emojis that she would get during class. She missed the homecooked meals Ruby would surprise her with after a long day at school. She missed the bright smile and the sparkle in those emerald eyes when she came home. She missed the way Ruby's smaller body felt so warm in her arms when they cuddled. She missed the taste of Ruby's soft lips when they kissed. She missed the needy touches when they made love to each other. She missed how Ruby loved her unconditionally even though she failed to love her back.

"She'll never take me back..."

She wiped the tears out of her eyes as she walked into a flower shop. Kanan could remember every detail, the memories so fresh even though it's almost been a year. She remembered the look in Ruby's eyes when she came to the realization Kanan didn't love her the same way, or at least that's what the had both thought back then. She remembered every touch, ever tear, every I love you as she made love to Ruby one last time before letting her go.

How much she wished she could go back and slap herself in the face. Maybe if she didn't let herself get so clouded by her own thoughts, Ruby would still be with her now and not with that nameless girl.

She would be the one feeling Ruby's kisses. She would be the one buying her gifts.

_'That should be me. That should be me...'_

* * *

 Ruby opened the door to find another pink Azalea with a note left for her. These had been showing up every day to her surprise, and it wasn't from her girlfriend. Even though the notes were anonymous, she knew who it was from. There were only three people in this world who knew Azaleas were her favorite flower, the three girls who formed the group she suggested the name for. Her sister, her best friend and the girl that she was in love with.

She sighed, placing the flower in to the glass vase with the other's and leaving the note next to the pile of other ones.

"Kanan again?" Dia asked, looking up from her book as Ruby took a seat next to her on the couch.

"Yeah..." Ruby sighed and leaned back. "I don't get why she's doing this. She's the reason we broke up... So why now?"

"She's jealous of your new girlfriend." Dia answered simply as she placed her bookmark gently between the folds then shut the book and placed it on the table.

"But she's the one who said she wasn't in love with me anymore!" Ruby wanted to cry again. She was so frustrated by this. Her heart felt like it was being squeezed to death by the devil himself, as if this was a funny game.

"Shhh... I know. I know." Dia pulled Ruby into her arms and rubbed her back, trying to help her sister relax. "I can't tell you what's going on in her head. Why don't you try talking to her?"

"I can't Oneechan. I can't look at her in the eyes without..."

"Shhh. I know. But I don't know how else to fix it, Ruby." Dia sighed and gave the crying girl a tight squeeze. It hurt her to see Ruby like this. Even if she put on such a brave face at school, she knew Ruby would never fully get over this. "Just give it a try. I can come with you if you'd like."

After a few moments, Ruby shook her head and wiped away her tears. "No... I c-can do this on my own."

Dia smiled softly an placed a gentle kiss on Ruby's forehead. It warmed her heart to see Ruby growing up to be such a strong young woman.

* * *

 Kanan was nervous. The text from Ruby asking her to meet with her surprised her. Had Dia or Mari said something to her? The bluenette fidgeted with her fingers as she sat down on the park blench, slouching and looking at the floor, trying to figure out what she would even say to Ruby. The two of them haven't talked one bit since they broke up.

Amathysts met emeralds once more, but those green gems didn't glow the way they used to whenever they saw her. They looked so empty and it killed Kanan to know that it was her fault. She couldn't find any words to say as she stared stupidly at the redhead that was once the love of her life. Somehow she felt so small under Ruby's uncaring stare, despite Kanan being the physically bigger girl.

"You've been sending me Azaleas." She stated the fact simply. It wasn't a question.

Kanan just nodded her head, still lost for words.

"Why?" Ruby demanded. This time she wanted an answer. A real answer. And it was obvious from her tone that she wasn't in the mood to deal with shit.

Kanan swallowed, feeling an immense amount to pressure on her shoulders. "I... Because I know you like them."

Ruby stayed quiet for a few moments, taking time to look away from Kanan. The hurt in her eyes was starting to overwhelm her, making it harder to stay cool.

"You broke up with me."

Kanan slowly stood up from her seat. "I know."

"You made me believe you loved me." Tears were forming in Ruby's eyes.

"I know." There were tears in Kanan's eyes too.

"You kissed me." Ruby balled her hands in fists.

"I know." Kanan took a step forward.

"You made love to me." Ruby stood still.

"I know." Another step forward. Was Ruby trying to break her heart?

"Then you said you loved my sister." Ruby began to raise her voice.

"I know." Another step. Well it was working.

"You weren't sure if you _ever_ loved **ME."** She's screaming.

"I know." She tried to pull her in for a hug. She deserved this.

"You broke my heart." Ruby didn't move but she didn't push her away either.

"I know." Kanan wrapped her arms around Ruby and cried into her shoulder. Strawberries. She still smelled like strawberries. _'I never should have let you go... I never should have let you go...'_

"I have a new girlfriend." Ruby bit back her tears.

"I know." Her heart was aching as she tightened her grip around Ruby. _'That should be me... That should be me...'_

"She's a nice girl. She's good to me."

"I hope she is..." Stop it Ruby. It hurts.

"But..."

"But..?" A flicker of hope?

"I'm still in love with you."

There it was. Kanan's heart could burst out of her chest. "I love you too." She sobbed, picking up Ruby in her arms and kissing the salty tears of the girl's cheeks. "Please come home."

But Ruby shook her head and made Kanan put her down. "I can't Kanan." She muttered, cold eyes staring back at Kanan's.

"I'm sorry Ruby... I'm so so sorry." Kanan could feel her heart breaking again. "Im in love with you too. I made a mistake." 'I never should have let you go.'

"I know." Ruby nodded, offering Kanan an ounce of affection by resting her head against her shoulder. "But it's going to take I'm sorry and a few flowers isn't going to fix this."

"Then I'll do more..." Kanan knew it was going to take a lot of effort to make this all better but she would put all the effort she could muster if it meant Ruby would come home.

"Okay." Ruby nodded and finally hugged her back.

Kanan tightened her grip and finally let go of all the emotions she had been holding in the past year.

_'I'm never gonna let you go.'_

**Author's Note:**

> Now I put her through pain.
> 
> Payback is sweet.
> 
> A n g s t.


End file.
